What images come to mind when you hear the word, “overwhelmed?”
You might be cringing as you think of piles of unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink, endless to-do lists, 15 missed calls and 500 unread emails, etc etc. There might be a sense of never ending-ness, and an uncertainty about when was the last time you spent quality time with your loved ones, your kids, or yourself. Often, feeling overwhelmed feels like having so many competing priorities that you just feel stuck, and end up doing nothing. In this day and age, with so many agendas, responsibilities, campaigns, ads, and entertainment competing for our attention, feeling overwhelmed is becoming more and more of a common phenomenon.
How do we break free from this cycle, in order to find more balance and fun in our lives? Is this even possible??
The answer is yes; but, the process starts with finding time to slow down enough in the midst of the chaos to evaluate your lifestyle, habits and priorities. So, instead of scrolling mindlessly through social media to avoid the feelings of overwhelm, you might want to put the phone down, grab a journal and pencil, and engage with your heart and mind on the situation.
This first step is proactive and meaningful, because our actions usually align with what we are thinking & feeling. For example, if you feel stuck in a habit of negative self-talk (“I’ll never get this done,” or, “What’s the point?”), these thinking patterns fuel overwhelm and anxiety, and tend to produce habits of procrastination.
If this sounds like you: first thing to do, put down the bat you’ve been using to beat yourself up and give yourself a break! You are doing great and are managing a lot of things right now. Eliminate the negative self-talk, and replace it with positive and kind words about yourself and your accomplishments, and go from there. You might be amazed at the results.
A few more perspective shifts may help provide more life harmony. Notice I said “harmony”, and not “balance”. Balance suggests that everything is even. In real life it doesn’t usually look like this. Harmony allows for the ebb & flow of life and provides freedom to create what will work for you—and that may change daily.
Here are a few things to consider:
First, Conflicting values can create stress. The familiar feelings of “I don’t know where to start” or “guilt” and “anxiety” can be emotions that point to conflicting values. One strategy to gain clarity on your values is to notice how you spend your time & your money. These two actions will often lead directly to your deeper values. Consider writing a list of the top 5 values that really matter to you and rank them in order of priority. Rank the importance of each one & how much time you invest each week. For example, if “fun” is a top priority, and you notice there may be little time invested in this each week, this can demonstrate where conflicting values are taking place in your life. Likewise, perhaps “accomplishment” is a lower priority, but you spend 60 hours per week at your job. When faced with a decision, if you become clear and familiar with your values, choices become easier.
Next, “Be where you are.” In other words, when you are with your kids, be with your kids. When you are at work, be at work. Focusing on the present moment will not only give you more power but it will allow you to use your energy to be more focused & effective. Regarding the to-do list items, such as laundry piles, dishes, missed text messages, & overall procrastination, remember this: “How do you eat an elephant?….One bite at a time!” Pick one thing on your to-do list, and just do that one thing—focus on that, and “be where you are.” Set a timer if needed for ten minutes. Don’t do anything else (and don’t think of anything else) until that first task is complete. Then, do the next thing for 10 minutes. And so on until you are done. Pick something very small, like unloading the dishwasher or folding laundry. The idea is to create a feeling of success & accomplishment. Feel free to celebrate these tiny victories too!
Last, Give thought to what gives you energy and what drains your energy. There are people, places and things each day that will impact how you are feeling in any given moment. What brings you joy? What makes you laugh? What (or who) brings you down? Start to notice these moments and plan accordingly. It isn’t always time we have to manage: it is energy. Consider what is missing that would make a difference in your energy levels and see where you can add that in. Is it a day off? A night out with friends? More sleep? Help with housework? Only you know.
Recreating a sense of order and harmony happens the fastest when we start letting go of what isn’t serving us and then prioritize what is left. It’s similar to re-organizing a closet: dump clothes that don’t fit or are no longer in style, and then organize what is left. You can do this with your life as well. And, if you still feel overwhelmed, a professional life coach can help you to arrive at clarity about your values and vision, while helping to manage stress and anxiety as well.
