Feeling stuck?
So many of us can write and share lists of things that we desire to change in our lives – our relationships, health, fitness, career, motivation levels, etc. Writing these “need-to-change” lists is often the easy part – the hard part is escaping the place of inertia, where we experience no movement at all toward our intended goals. Intellectually, you can look around at your life, identify areas in need of change, and recognize your inherent potential, but something is stopping you from taking any action.
“If we stay where we are, where we’re stuck, where we’re comfortable and safe, we die there.” – Anne Lamott
How do you get unstuck?
The first step is honoring and acknowledging the place in which you now find yourself. It takes vulnerability to recognize, admit and accept the things that need to change. It also takes confidence to own and embrace your potential. And, finally—the ability to believe in yourself and that you are capable of activating that change. These insights will serve as the catalysts for launching you into the next step, which is moving forward.
Awareness is key, because most people aren’t cognizant of their pain and what it is costing them. As human beings, our brains are wired to avoid pain, so when we experience it (like the pain of upset, disappointment, anxiety, fear, frustration, stress, etc.), we tend to do things to numb it or distract ourselves from it, so that we don’t have to feel it. For example: we may use food, alcohol, credit cards, social media, television, social isolation or being over-scheduled & over-committed to the point of exhaustion. We believe limiting thoughts about ourselves, such as, “I don’t have the time,” or “I don’t have the money,” or “I can’t do it.” And, then we wonder, “Why is my life not changing? Why am I not where I want to be in my life?” The answer lies in our avoidance or acceptance of pain.
Pain is actually our greatest teacher & most effective motivator. Allowing ourselves to feel our pain is the impetus to getting unstuck. It involves considering first: what is it costing you to not change? Answering this question can be life transforming. This is your moment of truth, the “hitting bottom” question. There is a saying: “When the pain of changing becomes less than the pain & consequences of staying the same, that is when you will make a change.”
Finally, a word about fear: our brains are wired against anything that will cause us harm (both real and imagined), so naturally, if your view of change is that it is “scary” or “uncomfortable,” then you will avoid it at all costs and stay stuck forever. If you reframe change into something that can be exhilarating, stimulating, fun or adventurous, then you begin to be willing to endure the work that it takes to get through the process, until your life resembles the life that you actually want.
So I challenge you to a moment of truth: what is it costing you to not change? Could it be the potential of dying of a heart attack? Gaining 30 more pounds? Dying of boredom, stress or burnout from your current career? Being isolated from your family? There are very real consequences to all of your choices. And, your choices don’t just affect you—they affect the people around you in your life. Dig deep within yourself to find the courage to be honest. Your future, your happiness and the quality of your life depend on it!
If you are struggling to get unstuck & make a change on your own, consider exploring the idea of working with a life coach. Qualified life coaches are expertly trained in supporting you through the all the stages & internal processes of change. This can be a great investment toward creating the future that you want.
